In the Shower

from by Smithy



In which our hero is beset on all sides by complications in the shower.


Came home from work one day,
And I was exhausted.
Took off my filthy uniform,
And I tossed it
To the floor of my bathroom,
In the clothes pile,
Lifted my arm and I sniffed,
The stench was vile.

Turned on the hot water,
And I waited bout a minute,
There's no way I'm letting it
Be cold when I get in it.
The steam built up on the mirror,
That was my signal,
To hop into the shower,
And then I felt some bristles on my face.

So I picked up the razor,
Decided to shave for
A couple minutes, no use
Waiting till later,
Decided to cater
To the female folk,
And played the manscaper

Once I was nice and bald,
I picked up the shampoo,
Don't have much hair,
So just a drop will do.
While I was rinsing the foam out
I felt a little pressure,
Pretty sure that it was gas,
I'm a pretty good sensor
Of my gastrointestinal signals,
Or so I thought,
Considered holding it in,
Cause I did not want to
Deal with the consequenses
Of the smell being combined with the steam,
Turning my shower to hell,

But I was at home, alone,
So I decided to push it.
Bent down to give it a good angle,
And pushed with
A determined intensity,
Might as well make a good one.
Felt the movement in my intestines,
Seemed like a huge one.

Thought to myself, afterwards,
I might fap,
But then instead of a trumpet sound,
I heard a slap,
On the floor of the bathtub.
I was frozen with terror,
Looked down, and found that my senses
Made an error.

Sitting there, majestically,
Was a monster
That was born of my creation,
That might puzzle a doctor.
I assume, under other circumstances,
It would be quite a feat,
But here, in the shower,
I would have to be discreet.

I considered some methods
Of disposing this thing,
Do I pick it up with my hands,
Then wash them in the sink?
Do I stuff it down the drain,
At the risk of bad plumbing,
Or pick it up in a plastic bag?
My heart was thumping

With fear and vexation.
I was confused and betrayed.
I thought that my colon and I
Were on the same page.
I stood there a while
Till the water turned cold.
I just stared at the beast,
That made my world unfold.
This creature, this thing,
That should not exist,
I knew that both it and I
Couldn't coexist.
I knew in my heart
I had to do something soon,
So I packed all my things
And decided to move.


from The Red & Black Mixtape, released September 5, 2014
Royalty-Free Beat by Nebula




Smithy Sarasota, Florida

Rapping about nerd life since 2006, Smithy brings comedic lyrics with beautiful rap flows that tickle your fancy. He resides in the Gulf area of Florida and is always creating new content.

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