The Red & Black Mixtape

by Smithy

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about

The Red & Black Mixtape is Smithy's third release, featuring old ideas that never got recorded, as well as some new collaborations with other Nerdcore artists such as Brenden Myles Harkens, Dick Dastardly, Fattie Royale, D-FO, and MC Deep. This is Smithy's first release from within the Nerdcore community. Hope you enjoy!

credits

released September 5, 2014

Instrumentals by Smithy, Nebula, and Brenden Myles Harkens.

Written and performed by Smithy

Dedicated to my dog, Linus. RIP

tags

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

about

Smithy Sarasota, Florida

Rapping about nerd life since 2006, Smithy brings comedic lyrics with beautiful rap flows that tickle your fancy. He resides in the Gulf area of Florida and is always creating new content.

contact / help

Contact Smithy

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Track Name: Warning!
People always think
They can step up to Smithy,
"Hey look at this little blonde nerd!
I'll beat him quickly."

Although from the surface
I'm pale and I'm sickly,
You might reconsider
Your desire to hit me.

You see, on top of this body,
There's a head,
On that, there's a face,
Under that, mostly red,

But under the red stuff,
There lies a large brain
That can ruin your life,
Through the internet vein.

You may have your fists
But I have all your passwords.
And I can reset them,
And turn your life backwards.
That's right, this rapper/hacker
Has mastered the rather
Complex art
Of causing disasters.

I'm in and then out of your network
Like Casper,
Messing with Smithy
Can be quite a hazard.

I'm dangerous,
In case you didn't get it yet.
Don't mess with a guy
Who raps on the internet.

[Hook]

If you have an email account,
I will hack it.
Your wifi access?
I'll make sure you lack it.
Twitter and Facebook,
I'll put you on a blacklist.
I'll send pizzas to your house,
And mysterious packages.

I'll call in a bomb threat
At your place of employment
And to my enjoyment,
I'll tamper and toy with
Your lotions and ointments,
Create an annoyance,
With crimes that are pointless,
And make some appointments
To dentists.

Getting mad when you don't show,
Make your toilets overflow,
Put your funds in escrow,

Oh, no,
I'm never going to let it go.
You thought you could mess with me,
That was a no-no.

I'm a force to be reckoned with,
As you can now see,
You thought you can give me a pounding,
You're the pound-ee.

When it comes to enemies,
You can't get worse than
Smithy
An intimidating person.

[Hook]

I'll mess up your Netflix queue,
That is a promise,
You're looking for movies,
This song's getting bomb hits.

I'll pose as a teenage girl
And send you IMs.
I'll make you fall in love,
Unaware of who I am.

I'll ask you to meet me
At a seedy hotel,
And we'll make love,
And I'll do very well.

We will go out on dates,
And you'll buy me nice things,
After a couple of years,
You get down on your knee,

And I'll gladly accept your
Lovely proposal,
And we'll brag to the family
Of our loving betrothal.

We'll pick out the flowers
And food and the church,
We have a couple of fights,
But marriage takes work.

I buy a white dress
That I look fabulous in,
The church doors open,
The guests pour in.

As I walk down the aisle
With tears in my eyes.
I'll take off my wig.
You had sex with a guy!
Track Name: Westeros O.G.
Hey you, over there,
In the alleyway,
These streets got a toll,
And you gotta pay.
If you put up a fight,
Here, say hey,
To the edge of my dagger,
Thanks. Go away!

I'm a rogue on my own,
Here in Westeros,
In the Landing, where cutthroats
Matter most.
With my rhymes and my knife,
I'll take the throne,
It's a damn shame they haven't
Made the microphone.

In the low streets
Everybody knows me,
I walk in, Little Finger
Lets me in free.
Some dude acts a fool,
Steppin up to me.
I toss a knife in his back
Hell, I toss three.

Make my rounds through the taverns,
Hell, I have a ball.
Rollin' blunts like the mad king.
Burn 'em all!
Get you blazin and smoking,
Like the Lord of Light.
The night is dark, full of terrors,
Woman got it right.

Taking only what I need,
Pay the iron price.
If you got what I want,
I don't play nice.
I'm the king of the landing,
You a peon.
Keep on talking,
You'll end up like Theon.

Taking over this city,
and just try to stop me.
I got more power over you
Than Prince Gofferey.
I'm the king in the streets,
Or so they told me.
That's me,
The Westeros O.G.

[hook]
Winter may be coming for you,
But not me.
[wiki-wiki-wiki-Ain't a damn thang funneh!]
You're talking to a Westeros O.G.
[Holla-holla at me if you love Sean Bean]

If somebody tries to fight me,
I'll smite thee rightly,
It might get dicey,
Not for sure, but it might be.
Cause nightly,
I got several goldcloaks behind me,
And kindly,
I give them the slip,
Or a knifing.

It's my thing,
Roaming the streets
Of King's Landing
And watching the guards
Give chase
And pull a hamstring
Commanding that I stop
Running while they're panting,
And can't see it's all just
A misunderstanding.

I'm handy.
Just trying to be all I can be.
With drinking or gambling,
Eating women like candy.
The fancy of noble ladies
Needing handling,
And jumping out the window
When the husband's feeiling randy.

If you try to test me,
I'll ace her quite well.
I got bigger chains
Than Grandmaester Pycell.

I got better hair
Than Loris Tyrell,
Doing all I can,
To get in all 7 hells!

[hook]
Winter may be coming for you,
But not me.
You're talking to a Westeros O.G.
Track Name: The Bell Tolls for Me
Walk into the Bell,
And they know the Smith.
Up at the counter,
Order a number 6.

And I like to mix
Supreme and queso,
They ask what that is,
I say nacho cheese. Yo

The smell of the beef
Is intoxicating,
The poor man's mexican
Got me salivating.

Open up the wrapper,
Got my order wrong,
But I still eat it up
As I sing this song.

[Chorus]
The taste of you is what I need.
The taste of beef and nacho cheese.
Where every item is supreme,
It's what I need.

The freshly fried crunch
Of your flakey chips,
That I love to dip,
Make it worth the trip.
And I take a sip
From my Baja Blast,
Then I get a grip
Of my taco fast.

And I take a bite,
With the scalding meat,
Lettuce tumbling,
Onto my plastic seat.
And I eat the cheese
That's fallen on my wrapper,
Then I grab the next,
And I eat it faster.

With shades of purple
And turquoise green,
This holy place
Is my favorite scene.
You make my food
So magically.
My phone's wifi connects
Automatically.

Even when it's wrong,
You make it well.
I'm the finest member of
Your clientele.
Your kitchen projects
My favorite smell,
When I got two bucks,
I go to Taco Bell.

[Chorus]
The taste of you is what I need.
The taste of beef and nacho cheese.
Where every item is supreme,
The Bell tolls for me.

You destroy the stigma
Of fast food,
With every addition to
Your menu.
I can't get away
Cause I'm stuck like glue.
I've been eating here
Since 2002.
Some people hate you,
If they only knew,
What you gave to me.
They don't have a clue.
With your grilled tortillas
And your cheezy goo,
I've given you very good
Yelp! reviews.
Why can't every place
Be more like you?
Every time I burp,
I think of you.
Even when I'm in the bathroom,
About to spew,
I think of the Bell
And I pull through.
Having diarrhea
Like a stomach flu,
Deja vu! In the bowl
Is my number 2.
My acid reflux
Is burning through
My asophagus,
All thanks to you.

[Chorus]
The taste of you is what I need.
The taste of beef and nacho cheese.
Where every item is supreme,
I have a disease.

I'm there at the door,
At 10am.
Waiting till you open,
We're the best of friends.

Even when I'm done
With my perfect meal,
I sit a while
While my blood congeals.

And I stare at the man
Who's behind the counter,
And I wonder what it's like
To have that power.

He gives me a glare
And I look away.
He's called the manager,
Who's coming this way.

Oh crap.
Act natural.
He tells me
Matter-of-factual

Get out! You've finished your meal an hour ago! Get out of my store! Go to a different location, then. I'm sick of you staring at my employees, you sicko! NO! Get out or I'm calling the cops! Get out!

But I might get hungry later! I think I'd like a small order of nachos - or.. um, a Dorito taco! Let me just get a refill, then - PLEASE! TACO BELL!!!

[Chorus]
The taste of you is what I need.
The taste of beef and nacho cheese.
Where every item is supreme,
It's what I need.
Track Name: Diarrhea Luv
[Chorus]
Just the way you dance
Makes me crap my pants
I don't know what to do
I'm in luv with you.

When I look at you
I feel my bowels move.
I can't get enough.
Diarrhea Luv.

[Smithy]
I guzzle Pepto
From a bottle made of plastic.
It's fantastic,
But I could never dream of askin' you out.

In order to survive,
I'll have to be monastic,
I'm being sarcastic,
I'll do that if the sitch is drastic.

See I've dated Sandy,
Mandy, and even Brandy,
But none of them
Got me poppin' Tums
Like they were candy.

I usually step up
That is my modus operandi,
But with you around,
I can't eat
I feel like Ghandi

Hey there Dalai Llama
What's it like there in New Delhi?
I'm gonna find out
Cause I can't help but make a smelly

With you around.
Don't even have to make a sound.
Your presence surrounds
Enough to make me drop a mound.

I want to be with you
Till the end of my days,
Because you make my organs move
In all sorts of ways.

You set my soul ablaze
Want to explore your maze
Because with every gaze,
I need to go change.

[Chorus]
Just the way you dance
Makes me crap my pants
I don't know what to do
I'm in luv with you.

When I look at you
I feel my bowels move.
I can't get enough.
Diarrhea Luv.

[Tony's Verse]
You don't have to be pretty.
You don't have to be smart,
But if you make my butt burn
And give me wet farts,

You're the girl of my dreams.
And my heart is all a flutter
I'm so in love,
I'm covered in doo doo butter.

When I met you long ago,
My intestines did a backflip.
And ever since then
It's the consistency of Cool Whip.

Now that I'm in love with you,
I skip most of my meals.
And mexican food,
Is the farthest from ideal.

Because I know sometime today
You'll pop up in my mind.
And when that takes place
It will pop out from behid.

I remember years ago
When we danced the first time,
But I continued
When my pants were full of slime.

I simply can't help it.
You're the most amazing
Intoxicating,
Girl that I have been waiting for.

I'd hate to be downwind
From a lovestruck me.
My digestion's not the same
Now that I'm in love with thee.

[Chorus]
Just the way you dance
Makes me crap my pants
I don't know what to do
I'm in luv with you.

When I look at you
I feel my bowels move.
I can't get enough.
Diarrhea Luv.

Just the way you dance
Makes me crap my pants
I don't know what to do
I'm in luv with you.

When I look at you
I feel my bowels move.
I can't get enough.
Diarrhea Luv.
Track Name: In the Shower
Came home from work one day,
And I was exhausted.
Took off my filthy uniform,
And I tossed it
To the floor of my bathroom,
In the clothes pile,
Lifted my arm and I sniffed,
The stench was vile.

Turned on the hot water,
And I waited bout a minute,
There's no way I'm letting it
Be cold when I get in it.
The steam built up on the mirror,
That was my signal,
To hop into the shower,
And then I felt some bristles on my face.

So I picked up the razor,
Decided to shave for
A couple minutes, no use
Waiting till later,
Decided to cater
To the female folk,
And played the manscaper

Once I was nice and bald,
I picked up the shampoo,
Don't have much hair,
So just a drop will do.
While I was rinsing the foam out
I felt a little pressure,
Pretty sure that it was gas,
I'm a pretty good sensor
Of my gastrointestinal signals,
Or so I thought,
Considered holding it in,
Cause I did not want to
Deal with the consequenses
Of the smell being combined with the steam,
Turning my shower to hell,

But I was at home, alone,
So I decided to push it.
Bent down to give it a good angle,
And pushed with
A determined intensity,
Might as well make a good one.
Felt the movement in my intestines,
Seemed like a huge one.

Thought to myself, afterwards,
I might fap,
But then instead of a trumpet sound,
I heard a slap,
On the floor of the bathtub.
I was frozen with terror,
Looked down, and found that my senses
Made an error.

Sitting there, majestically,
Was a monster
That was born of my creation,
That might puzzle a doctor.
I assume, under other circumstances,
It would be quite a feat,
But here, in the shower,
I would have to be discreet.

I considered some methods
Of disposing this thing,
Do I pick it up with my hands,
Then wash them in the sink?
Do I stuff it down the drain,
At the risk of bad plumbing,
Or pick it up in a plastic bag?
My heart was thumping

With fear and vexation.
I was confused and betrayed.
I thought that my colon and I
Were on the same page.
I stood there a while
Till the water turned cold.
I just stared at the beast,
That made my world unfold.
This creature, this thing,
That should not exist,
I knew that both it and I
Couldn't coexist.
I knew in my heart
I had to do something soon,
So I packed all my things
And decided to move.