Came home from work one day,
And I was exhausted.
Took off my filthy uniform,
And I tossed it
To the floor of my bathroom,
In the clothes pile,
Lifted my arm and I sniffed,
The stench was vile.

Turned on the hot water,
And I waited bout a minute,
There's no way I'm letting it
Be cold when I get in it.
The steam built up on the mirror,
That was my signal,
To hop into the shower,
And then I felt some bristles on my face.

So I picked up the razor,
Decided to shave for
A couple minutes, no use
Waiting till later,
Decided to cater
To the female folk,
And played the manscaper

Once I was nice and bald,
I picked up the shampoo,
Don't have much hair,
So just a drop will do.
While I was rinsing the foam out
I felt a little pressure,
Pretty sure that it was gas,
I'm a pretty good sensor
Of my gastrointestinal signals,
Or so I thought,
Considered holding it in,
Cause I did not want to
Deal with the consequenses
Of the smell being combined with the steam,
Turning my shower to hell,

But I was at home, alone,
So I decided to push it.
Bent down to give it a good angle,
And pushed with
A determined intensity,
Might as well make a good one.
Felt the movement in my intestines,
Seemed like a huge one.

Thought to myself, afterwards,
I might fap,
But then instead of a trumpet sound,
I heard a slap,
On the floor of the bathtub.
I was frozen with terror,
Looked down, and found that my senses
Made an error.

Sitting there, majestically,
Was a monster
That was born of my creation,
That might puzzle a doctor.
I assume, under other circumstances,
It would be quite a feat,
But here, in the shower,
I would have to be discreet.

I considered some methods
Of disposing this thing,
Do I pick it up with my hands,
Then wash them in the sink?
Do I stuff it down the drain,
At the risk of bad plumbing,
Or pick it up in a plastic bag?
My heart was thumping

With fear and vexation.
I was confused and betrayed.
I thought that my colon and I
Were on the same page.
I stood there a while
Till the water turned cold.
I just stared at the beast,
That made my world unfold.
This creature, this thing,
That should not exist,
I knew that both it and I
Couldn't coexist.
I knew in my heart
I had to do something soon,
So I packed all my things
And decided to move.